*Running Away*

Shoes laced up & I'm off again / Running from what was, what is, what could be / It's that secret little bit of fear at the core of me / Fear that you could be the one / The one that makes walls come down / I can't let myself go, fall, trip, stumble / For friendship, love, a cuddle, a hug / Letting people in defies my made up laws / The same laws that have gotten me this far / Always keep an eye out because if you get to close I'll lace up my shoes READY, SET, GO / Forgive me now for what will come / I know you'll hurt & I will to / But for now running is so much easier to do

Set the record straight ha!

I've been asked over the years why I date (studs) women that dress like boys. I see the look of confusion on the faces of many albeit none of their business to analyze my life or choices. Alas I am an OPEN BOOK and would rather someone ask for clarification than to assume and be so terribly wrong. Lesbians, Gays, Bi's, Trans it's so common now that I would think the common misconceptions wouldn't be so anymore. So here goes let me shed light on the grey matter. 1. I am a lesbian not confused just so we are all on the same page! 2. I date lesbians! Preferably no only out of the closet I'm not in the space of living in shadows then being colorful when the doors close. "I'm All Set With That". I date women that identify as more masculine by nature but that still accept that they are women that's the difference for me.To the Butches out here having their women call them daddy and the children the same it's not my cup of tea. If I wanted to be with blood and veins I would date a male. So many in the younger generation step onto the platform of this lifestyle for the sake of shock value or the most extreme way to be defiant. For the true members of the rainbow flag it's who we are it's everyday life (It's Not A Game) or a rinse in hair dye that washes out when you're done. We are intimate just like the Straights possibly more creative (wink) and we have the pleasure of not needing a delay between rounds 1 and 2 hmmmmm ain't that nice. We care about each other, our relationships are the same as yours. We face the same hurdles and deal with the same hurt. If people took the time to see us as individuals and not our label we would have a better understanding of each other. We still have values noen of that changes with the statement "I like girls" at the core we are HUMAN coexists with us as such. Attempt to become informed and prepare to be shocked but the brutally honest answers that are sure to come in the process of clearing the AIR.

Think before you SPEAK!

I took a little break from my very short blogging career to wrap my mind around what I was taking on. I hope to be the voice of reason on the subjects I touch upon. At the very least give those who don't understand a clearer vision of the picture hanging on the wall. That brings me to my latest statement up for discussion. On numerous occasions since coming out at the age of 16 I've heard from males "Your to pretty to be gay" Over the years I've had many conversations with family, friends, even some close coworkers about what that means. Well at least what it means to me. I am not easily offended but that statement to me is slightly offensive. Not necessarily because of what was said but because of what it implies. To me that statements says ONLY THE ONES WE DON'T WANT SHOULD BE THAT WAY and yes the thoughts come across that bold in my head when I hear it. How is anyone to pretty to be a certain way? For one to think that, wouldn't that imply that you have judged the book by it's cover rather than the content of it's pages? If a woman drives fast and has handle when she pulls up to a light is she told she's to pretty to drive that way? Is it meant as flattery? But since males can have an opinion on which females should be gay (LESBIAN) let me school you. Saying a woman is to pretty to be gay is like me saying to you it's a shame that your straight. If anything it attempts to diminish who and what we stand for. Last I checked I made up my own mind, was happy with my decision, and accepted it as the best choice for me. Who are you to come and challenge that? With a weighted statement as such makes me realize how unknowing you truly are. Lesbianism is so much more than your adolescent fantasy. It's about women loving women being understanding of each other and our individualized needs as only we can. It's about communicating in a way that needs no words because she is you and you are her. The perfect balance of compliment and challenge. Word to the wise it is of good practice to Think before you speak and for those that like stepping into uncharted territory with preconceived notions I hope you have a lot of time and brought your notebook because class is in SESSION!

The Morning AFTER

After creating my blog in the wee hours of the morning it hit me. By spreading my thoughts and views on certain subjects. I could be the voice for other's that have yet to speak. That's huge! Trust me I'm not getting ahead of myself just thinking. What if my one blog causes other people of like mind to do the same. Then someone hears us collectively and things start to CHANGE? That's how change generally happens. A thought turns into an action, actions turn into follow through, and things start to CHANGE. I hope it does because it's well overdue. In talking with one of my gym buddies she brought up some really good points. What it boils down to for me is I want to see more everyday stuff for GLBT we do everyday things EVERYDAY just like everybody else. It would be nice to kick back and relax around US on a regular basis. A weekly poetry night, a book club, a local bar that's accepting of all but that keeps things interesting I don't want it to become "That Gay Bar" which is normally how our clubs are labeled. We don't discriminate the straights can come and party with us anytime. Your guaranteed to have a blast. and Whether people know it or not we party with the straights a lot more than they know because straight clubs/bars tend to have more going on than our places. I don't force who I am down anyone's throat nor do I hide that I am who I am. I want the option to hang out in whatever environment I choose on that day and have the options always be there. Gay bar on Tuesday, movies on Friday, Dinner and Drinks on Sunday just because I can. I just want to love,live and be overly stimulated in my social life because more things interest me than I have time to commit to. Seemingly I'm asking for to much but am I really?

The Me I Don't See

Tonight I was having a conversation with my sister about Lesbians and how we are the same but differ according to race and mindset. Before you twist your face up hear me out. We are the same in many ways but one difference sticks out like a sore thumb to me and that's the face time of non White Lesbians in the media. No matter where I look or attempt to look for that matter I don't SEE ME! From the L Word to the Real L Word there seems to be something lacking in the actuality of the life I know. I see shades of me (as in human) and situations that I could potentially be in, but it's never based in areas that are familiar to me. I've never seen a club shown or spoken about that sounds like a place my friends and I would frequent. We hear about the clubs/bars we choose word of mouth Mainly while attending 1 of the many PRIDE events held throughout the year. Can I frequent a club or bar that brings a diverse group of people together all in the name of having a good damn time, and play a little something for everyone. That way were a not subdivided anymore than we already are? I never hear about trips that me and my girlfriend of 5 years could attend and when asked be able to say that was amazing. Can I get a ski trip invite, or a non PRIDE related weekend for us all to wave our flags on a random month just because it seemed like fun. The music I like to listen to is hardly ever the soundtrack to anything and I'm extremely diverse. Can I hear Keyshia Cole or a Mary J. Blige playing after a breakup scene then I know it's real lol. Or even my/our terminology. Do the terms "Girl Bye, Get Ya Life, or Real Talk mean anything"? In that sense it has nothing to do with race it has to do with a mindset. I can rock,kick back, converse, love, and accept anyone! So then the question remains Where are we? I know we exist! We being people who share the same views on life and how we choose to live ours. I wake up and live this everyday and I agree with people everyday on some aspect so I think like other people and vice versa. There are a ton of us and I bet if even a piece of our story were told or seen a lot of people would be interested and craving more. I like the fact that we as a whole GLBT are being more readily accepted and that we are making leaps and bounds in terms of equality. I do think there is are different shades of Lesbianism that has yet been touched upon. But then again there is a lot about Lesbianism that hasn't been viewed and is still misunderstood. We are still evolving in the media I just hope to one day say I truly can identify with the show that I turned to or the story that I read. I do however respect that every Blogger, Reality TV Personality, Scripted show actor/actress is living their truth and this is just a part of mines.